the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
