I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
