And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
