I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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