My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
