mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
