You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
