This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
