Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
