Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
third nipple confirmed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
