3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
