she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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