I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
