wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
