I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
