Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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