So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
