That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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