I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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