It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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