Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
