after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
