Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize