I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
