the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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