You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
