Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
