What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Welp...herpes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
