Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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