I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
