So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm getting married
To pizza
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize