I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
