next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
