I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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