he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
