So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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