I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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