and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize