When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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