You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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