I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
