too bad you live with your parents still
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
