I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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