can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize