How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
