I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
