i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
