My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think my fart just growled at me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just pee around me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
