Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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