Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
