I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't deserve a penis
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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