It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
