there's paper in my vomit.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize