I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he fucked my hip out of place.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
