Someone shit on the floor
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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