Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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