Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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