2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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