Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
