I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bring me that man meat
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
