Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
