Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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