can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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