is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
