Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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