Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
