Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
