I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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