he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
