Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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