How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
