This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
