Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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