i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
