I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize