too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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