Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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