We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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