living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
