I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
