Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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