I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
