its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize