U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize