i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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