wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
