Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
