Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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