i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize