my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
