Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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