Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
