I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize