This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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