closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Randomize
