So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
