and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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