A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
