Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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