just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
