The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
