i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
