Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
