All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
