I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
