This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
