We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
